Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
