Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
