i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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