you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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