Kareoke will never be a sober sport
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
