i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
