Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
