it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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