Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
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