its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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