He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
