I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
