holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
