Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
