Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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