I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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