Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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