dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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