So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
