At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
