my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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