i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
