you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
