I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
