I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
