he confused my yawn for an orgasm
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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