I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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