I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
