And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
