It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
