hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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