Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
