My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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