Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
