How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
