So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
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I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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