so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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