i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
