i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
