and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
