you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
