please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
