She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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