Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Your penis caused this!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
