No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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