You smell like a Billy Joel song
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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