I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
