I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just threw up on my dentist
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
