you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
