i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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