i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
