I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
