guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
