lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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