Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
