apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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