last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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