The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
