so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
