Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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