So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
