I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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