TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
