worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just had sex on a roof
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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