maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
