I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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