apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
