sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Randomize
