I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
