theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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