He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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