Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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