Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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