Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?