Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?