remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?