he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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