maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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