Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
