The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
