Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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