Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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