New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
